Written November 2022
With this year coming to a close, I’ve set aside time to reflect on all that this year, the year of 22, held for me.
This time last year, I said to my best friend, dearest Katy, “This is going to be my year, finally. I can feel it.” With a tremor in my voice, no doubt, because of seasons in the past where I had dared to hope in things for myself and life had different lessons in store.
But 22 has long been my divinely lucky number, life changes were on the horizon, and I approached these changes with a grounded fluidity I had been practicing for some time.
This year I :: moved, graduated college, entered a relationship and started a job. Without a single adjective attached to those words, a magnitude can be felt. I could attach at least three meaningfully descriptive adjectives to each of those decisions and it still wouldn't do them justice.
Going into this year, I felt the magnitude of what was ahead of me. I did not know the details that would fill up my days and months. Yet I felt the need for grounding mantras to guide who I wanted to be amidst the massive changes on the horizon.
And so, I chose the following mantras for the year 22 ::
I make room for joy.
and
“The braver I am, the luckier I get.”
from Glennon Doyle’s book Untamed
I make room for joy
I arrived in Pennsylvania on the 2nd of the new year. There is a long list of reasons I moved. Most of them were dissatisfying or didn’t make sense to people around me last year. I just felt like I was supposed to be in the only state I have ever claimed as home. The timing was finally right for this change with graduation approaching and jobs on the horizon.
I had also felt an emptiness grow in me during my last year or so living in Georgia. This emptiness was a guide for me. I knew there wasn’t a guarantee I would magically feel full again when I arrived in a new state. So I got clear on what I wanted to fill up with :: joy.
I make room for joy. I told myself while I got rid of clothes, packed up my beloved decorations, made time for donuts, coffee, and friends while also juggling details of the move.
What I want is joy. So I am going to further empty myself. And then, what I pursue, what I allow to pursue me will also bring joy.
And dammit did Sweet Universe show up for me. My oh my, my friends. I am dumbfounded and teary-eyed as I reflect on the {almost} year of life I have experienced.
The love my sweet EP was met with when I released it in March.
The accomplishment {seen and unseen} that is graduating college.
The way my family celebrated me.
The man who is my boyfriend and the most courageous, kind lover I have known.
The work I started for a company that sees, empowers me and provides a way of giving back and connecting to purpose.
This is the abbreviated, yet most notable list.
I made room for joy. And joy, she found me.
"The braver I am, the luckier I get"
I'll be honest, this phrase felt like a pipedream when I chose it as a mantra for this year. I likely knocked on wood the first time I told a friend how deeply I hoped to experience its truth.
Yet I believed it to be true. And I asked Life to show up for me in the risks I was taking by uprooting my life, by holding out for a job during a long interview process, by showing up for myself, and asking others to do the same.
I showed bravery, and this year has shown me :: Love, compassion, tenderness, kindness from others that I still struggle to extend myself, and deep deep lessons.
It would be arrogant to say I earned all the goodness I know.
It would be self-dismissive to say that I didn’t tackle this year with a hell of a lot of courage.
Are mantras magic? I don't know...
There’s something to the interplay of choosing mantras, making choices based on them, and how life reacts in response. I do not understand it, and I am immensely grateful for it.
And for the deer-eyed, boot-shaking, take life by the reins energy of MG one year ago. More to come next month on the energy I intend to carry into this next year.
For now, I wanted to share these thoughts with you. As a way of expressing gratitude for the people who have played a part in this year of my life. For the people who played parts in prior seasons that allowed me to get here. For Life, Sweet Universe, the Divine Whatever for listening and honoring
I also hope that by sharing these mantras I chose, and how remarkably Life lived them out alongside me, it encourages someone to believe in their own ability.
To sit down with themselves and ask a few honest questions as this year comes to a close.
To choose words, hopes, and changes for the upcoming year accordingly.
To believe in a different reality than they currently know.
I believe each of us hold immense power to actualize our most tangible and intangible dreams. This year led me to believe this even more than I did prior.
So I consider it my responsibility to share this and attempt to instill a bit of hope in anyone who is still reading this.
If that is you :: Thank you. I love you. I hope you love yourself in new ways this year.
I don’t know that I believe in proof, or that this year of my life is proof. But it filled me with hope and joy. I have plenty to share if you could ever use a friend.