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Love, Grief, Rinse, Repeat :: Thoughts on Turning 30

Written August 2023

“The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.” – Khalil Gibran

This quote has played a pivotal role in my life for some time.

First, it was a chill-inducing thought.

Then, a companion and comfort.

And last year, the snippet I read out loud to my now Love – Pushing us over the edge from What are we? To mmmmm yes, we are in this. I adore these words because they ring so deeply true with me.

From a young age, I have known the realities of sorrow.

From a young age, I have held more light and constant joy that I may ever be able to understand. A Deep Well I am not sure if I was born with this capacity or if my carving began when I was young. I am not sure that the answer matters. But I know that I am a deeply-feeling being. I do not know another way of being human. And so, the past year of my life has been an expansive rollercoaster – I have continued to fall in love with a soul that sees, respects, values, adores, and cares for me. While simultaneously experiencing losses in the form of death in ways that have stunned and shocked my heart and being.

~~ Joy Sorrow ~~ Joy Sorrow ~~

~~ Sorrow Joy ~~ Sorrow Joy ~~

On and on and on it goes.

The most honest lesson I have gained from the past year of my life is this :: It is all happening at the same time :: Unimaginable Bliss, Unimaginable Heartbreak.

And my body, well she is feeling it all. Some days, it takes immense effort not to contract, constrict, want to curl inward and stay safe. Some days, I am in tune with the truth that these experiences invite me into expansion and connection to the pulse beating within us all.

I do not think that I am unique in the life experiences that have led me to this lesson. If anything, I think that these words may ring true for any person who reads this.

Life is so unrelenting, surprising, and full of inexhaustible complexity.

Life is so stunning.

So going into thirty, here is what I want ::

To hold my loved ones, as often as possible, as closely as possible.

To share myself with the world through my words, connections to nature, and boundless love more freely.

To be kind to everyone, including myself.

Because I believe that it can be this simple.

That these hopes honor life at its essence.

That we only have time for loving.


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